It will get better, just not now

Today is hard for me. I'm sure you all have had days like this, especially when trying for a baby. We aren't trying yet, but there have been many times when it seems like I may be pregnant anyway. Today is one of those days.

I knew my new medication could cause me to skip a period as I got used to it. It was in the medication instructions. The instructions also indicated that I should do a pregnancy test anyway just in case. So I made plans to do so this morning. Yet for the past few days before, I've been nauseous and threw up Saturday and Sunday evening. Even now I'm still feeling pretty awful.

And yet, there it sits. A pregnancy test that bold proclaims I'm not pregnant. It makes me so mad. It's like my body enjoys messing with me. I know that there is still a chance that I am and the HCG hasn't   built up enough to be measured. It happens often so I have a second test I'll used in a few days. But that's doesn't make it hurt any less.

I hope that other don't have to go through this like I do. May your journey to pregnancy be easier than my own.

Baby Letters and the New Medication Waiting Game

Hello all!

Lately in attempt to quell some of my baby envy I've started at Baby Letter journal. So far I've only written one, but that's mainly because that one made me cry pretty hard. It seems like the closer I get to August, the worse it gets. It really doesn't help that I'm on the latter half of a new birth control and its a toss up as to whether or not I'll have a period this month because of it. Since this medication is vastly different, its an agonizing waiting game as I would have started yesterday, but not this time around. ARGH!

So I don't leave you all on that note, here is the first Baby Letter. (Note: When I reread this to make sure it was ready to post, guess who cried again...)

April 23, 2012

3 months 1 week and 1 day until TTC

Dear Little One,

        Hello there. You don’t know me yet, but someday you will call me Momma. I’ve been waiting a long time for you and it won’t be long before your Daddy and I will be ready to be blessed with tiny you. God already knows who you will be, what you will look like, all those wonderful things that make you who you are. I don’t know this though, and I’m so looking forward to finding out.

        I’d like to tell you some things about your Daddy and me. My name is Rachel and Daddy’s name is James. He is 26 years old and I’m 25, though by the time you are born, we will be older than that. Your daddy and I met when we were in high school and dated a LONG time before getting married January 1^st 2010.  We recently moved in with your Nonni, whose name is Pam, and her big orange cat Fenton. I think you will like him as much as we do. He’s very friendly.

        Though your daddy and I have been married for two years, we had to wait for a long time for you. This was hard for me because your momma is not a very patient person. I hope I’m better at that by the time you are here in my arms. I’m sure God will help me make those changes.  Your daddy is better at this because changes are huge for him and having you means he had another person to take care of. That can be scary. But he really wants to meet you, just as much as I do. Never doubt that.

        I love you so very much even though you are not here yet.

                Love,

                        Momma